Do Ask, Do Tell, Let's Talk: Why and How Christians Should Have Gay Friends
“Do Ask, Do Tell, Lets Talk comes forth with impeccable timing to the evangelical Christian church and modern day culture by providing a pathway for engagement in safe, healing, and equipping conversations. This brief, yet comprehensive and biblically robust book gently confronts the 'elephant in the room' while answering questions about friendship, homosexuality, gender identity, and same-sex attraction. I highly recommend it to men, women, students, youth workers, pastors, churches, educators, and leaders as well as anyone looking for answers to this vital topic.”See All
Dr. Dwayne R. Bond
Lead Pastor of Wellspring Church; CEO and Founder of Proximus Group
“Finally, a practical book that helps us engage people as Jesus would! Brad Hambrick captures the heart of what it means to invite into dialogue and relationship people who you might otherwise see as so unlike you that you may not know how to begin a substantive conversation. Do Ask, Do Tell, Lets Talk teaches the lost art of how to talk with people, draw them out, get to know their story and, therefore, know their heart . . . all of which makes fertile soil for the gospel to take root and flourish!”See All
President, Harvest USA; author, Hide or Seek: When Men Get Real with God about Sex
“Few people have the ability to pack as much content into a book as my friend, Brad Hambrick. The message and content of this book is one which the church desperately needs. All of us need to be better equipped in the area of ministering and be-friending those who struggle with same-sex attraction. Brads work is not only comprehensive and biblical, it comes from the heart of a pastor-counselor whose admirable humility in approaching a potentially polarizing topic shines through. This is the book I needed to read, and I trust it will become a go-to resource for you as well.”See All
author, The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship; Biblical Counseling Coalition Council Member
“If you are looking for a book that simply equips you to make a friend, love a neighbor, and if God and your friend are willing, see somebody you care about come to Christ, this is it. Winsome it is.”See All
Sam R. Williams
PhD, Professor of Counseling, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary
“Lets face it, in this area the church has at best missed an opportunity and at worst grieved God through our ignorance, fear, or condemnation of not just the sin, but the person struggling. Brad Hambrick has written a much-needed response to the question, how does a Christian interact with love and help someone struggling with same-sex attraction? His book gives us an opportunity to try again, but this time we will be equipped with compassion, biblical helps, and hope. If you struggle with SSA or know someone who does, this book could start a journey toward the light of Gods truth and love that will humble the helper and encourage the struggler.”See All
Author of The Uncommon Community: Biblical Soul Care for Small Groups, Board Member of the Biblical Counseling Coalition
“Whenever Jesus encountered a sexual minority, he responded with love and friendship instead of shame. Only there, in the safety of a non-condemning presence, were these image bearers able to engage their wounds, sins and regrets. In Do Ask, Do Tell, Lets Talk, Brad Hambrick helps us see how we, too, can create safe space and belonging for our LGBTQ friends. And why would we do this? So that these friends, too, can encounter the grace and truth of Jesus. I highly recommend this book.”See All
senior pastor, Christ Presbyterian Church, Nashville; author, Jesus Outside the Lines: A Way Forward for Those Who Are Tired of Taking Sides
“To stand on what we believe is clear in Scripture, and to be a friend, at the same time—this book is an important next step for Christian literature on same–sex attraction. It doesnt simply guide us in wise engagement; it guides us in friendships where there is mutual enjoyment and appreciation. And Brad does this in such a way that he doesnt cut any theological corners but makes such friendships a necessary expression of our theology.”See All
counselor and faculty member, Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation
“This is a book the church has desperately needed for some time. It is simply excellent. It will challenge you and guide you in navigating in a more Christlike manner the host of questions surrounding same-sex attraction and the local church.”See All
President, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary
Conversations among friends accomplish more than debates between opponents.
Conversations on controversial issues do not to go well when the dialogue happens community-to-community or figurehead-to-figurehead. Whether it's race, religion, or politics, groups don't talk well with groups. Too much is at stake when we feel like our words and actions speak for the collective whole. Platforms and podiums will never accomplish what can only be done around dinner tables and in living rooms.
Two individuals from those respective groups are much more likely to forge a good relationship, influencing one another in various ways. Unfortunately, an individual who listens well is often viewed by his or her collective compatriots as engaging in compromise; at the group level, representing each side fairly feels too much like agreement.
That is why the aim of this book is friendship. Friendship is the level at which influence can be had, because the dialogue does not seek to represent an agenda but to understand a person. Friendship is what protects good points from becoming gotcha moments.
The subject for which this approach may be most vital for the modern church may be homosexuality and same-sex attraction (SSA). Yet our approach has tended to be more polemical or political than pastoral and personal.
Churches have articulated their position on a conservative sexual ethic. Churches have re-examined the key biblical texts that are challenged in defense of a progressive sexual ethic. As important as these things are, however, they do not equip everyday Christians to develop meaningful friendships with people who experience same-sex attraction or have embraced a gay identity.
In the absence of relationship, our theology becomes theory.
Many Christians are seeing that the church's unwillingness to befriend people who experience SSA has blocked us from engaging with the subject of homosexuality on a person-to-person level. We are reluctant to engage relationships where it feels probable that there will be awkwardness.
Admittedly, this book is not as "neat" as you might like for it to be. Many tensions will be navigated; maybe not all contradictions will be avoided. However, when it comes to being salt and light for the sake of the gospel, it seems far better to choose possible messiness over guaranteed ineffectiveness.
That means we must realize that it is good for us to have conversations where we don't know what to say. This is part of the essence of being a growing person. When we're not having conversations that challenge us to think about new things, we will commit sins either of pride or apathy. We should always be praying that God will bring people into our lives who will provide the opportunity for us to ask new and important questions.
The desire of this book is to be a resource God uses to grow his people into excellent ambassador-friends to their classmates, colleagues, and family members who experience SSA.